There’s no shortage of glowing descriptions when it comes to parenthood. Phrases like “the most magical time of your life” and “love like you’ve never known” can sometimes seem to roll of the tongue of the people around you (especially If they are not currently in the thick of it themselves). And while these sentiments can be true, they’re of course not the full picture. The full picture is a little more layered, nuanced and messy.

Becoming a parent is an experience unlike any other. It’s beautiful, brutal and everything in between. It fills your heart while stretching you to your limits. It’s life-changing, but not always in the ways you expect. And just when you think you’ve got the hang of one stage, everything shifts. The challenges don’t disappear as your child grows; they simply evolve.

If you’re in the thick of it, wondering if you’re the only one finding it this hard, you’re not alone.

Here’s an honest look at some of the many challenges of parenting, alongside some ideas for navigating this time of life without losing yourself in the process.

The contradictions of parenting: no wonder we’re all tired

One of the hardest parts of parenting is that no matter what you do, there’s always an argument for why you should be doing the opposite. It’s mentally exhausting to constantly be pulled in different directions.

You love your child deeply, but sometimes you desperately need space from them. You want to be present, but you also need time for yourself. You crave connection, but sometimes the idea of another conversation, whether with your child, partner, or another parent, feels exhausting. Should you prioritise structure or flexibility? Encourage independence or be emotionally available at all times?

The reality is, no matter which path you take, you could always make a case for the opposite direction. And just when you think you’ve made peace with one decision, someone, or something, will make you question it.

What might help?

Reframe guilt as proof that you care. The fact that you’re even thinking about these contradictions means you’re doing your best. Instead of letting guilt weigh you down, use it as a reminder that you’re invested in your child’s well-being.

Pick your battles. Not every parenting dilemma requires deep analysis. Sometimes, doing what works in the moment is enough.

Remind yourself that every expert contradicts another expert. That’s because every child, family, and situation is different. Take what works for you and your family and leave the rest.

Name the contradiction and move forward. Saying out loud, “I love being a parent, and I also find it incredibly hard”, can be a surprisingly powerful way to validate your experience without trying to “fix” it.

Exhaustion that evolves (but may not ever really go away)

In the early days, exhaustion is physical – running on broken sleep, feeding at all hours, constantly attending to someone else’s needs. But even as your child grows, the exhaustion doesn’t disappear, it just changes shape.

  • Mental exhaustion – planning, problem-solving, making countless small decisions every day and dealing with high levels of uncertainty.
  • Emotional exhaustion – being your child’s safe place while also trying to regulate your own emotions.
  • Sensory exhaustion – constant noise, questions and the feeling of being “touched out.”

Cognitive load theory helps to explain why parenting is so draining. Our brains have a limited capacity for processing information and when we’re overloaded, decision-making becomes harder, patience wears thin, and we’re more likely to be emotionally reactive.

What might help?

Use micro-rest breaks. Even 60-second pauses to slow your breathing, have a drink of water or step outside can help to regulate your nervous system.

Prioritise rest, even when sleep isn’t an option. If you can’t get a full night, create small pockets of time to rest in different ways. Lay down next to your child while they play, skip non-essential tasks or nap when they nap (even if just for ten minutes).

Accept help when it’s available. Whether it’s a longer day at childcare, a friend offering a meal, or even just swapping babysitting with another parent. Let others lighten your load.

The pressure to be a perfect parent

One of the biggest challenges in parenting is the unrealistic expectation that we should get it right all the time. Social media, parenting books, podcasts and even well-meaning advice from the people around us can make it seem like good parents are always patient, emotionally available, and attuned to their child’s every need.

Research, including Donald Winnicott’s “good enough parenting” framework, shows that perfection isn’t just unnecessary, it’s impossible. Studies suggest that being attuned to your child’s emotional needs about 30–50% of the time is enough for secure attachment. Your child doesn’t need perfection. They they need you to be present, responsive most (but not all) of the time and most importantly, willing to repair when things go wrong.

Plus, in reality, perfect parenting isn’t actually helpful for kids. Shielding them from every struggle or discomfort robs them of the chance to build emotional resilience, frustration tolerance and problem-solving skills. Learning to navigate small disappointments and moments of disconnection, followed by repair, teaches them how to manage emotions and relationships later in life.

What might help?

Reframe mistakes as part of healthy parenting. You will miss cues, get frustrated, and make the wrong call sometimes. That’s part of being human. What matters more than always getting it right is your ability to repair and reconnect with your child (and yourself) afterward.

Prioritise connection over perfection. Your child won’t remember whether you got every parenting decision right. But they will remember the giggles, cuddles and ways that you made them feel safe and loved.

Model self-compassion. How you treat yourself teaches your child how to handle mistakes. Instead of harsh self-criticism, try saying something like “today was a bit of a rough day, but we can try again tomorrow”.

Let your child see repair in action. If you lose your patience, acknowledge it and reconnect: “I was frustrated earlier, and I’m sorry. I love you and we’re okay.” This teaches emotional regulation far better than never making mistakes at all.

The hidden forces that make parenting even harder

It’s easy to believe that if parenting feels overwhelming, the problem is you. But the reality is that much of what makes parenting exhausting has less to do with you and more to do with the systems around you.

Childcare can be expensive and difficult to access. Parental leave is often too short, if it’s available at all. Families are more geographically spread out, leaving many parents to manage without the built-in support networks that used to be the norm. On top of that, there’s a constant expectation to be fully present as a parent while also excelling at work, maintaining relationships and  everything else life throws your way

Psychology research shows that strong social support is one of the best ways to prevent parental burnout, yet modern life can make it difficult to find. If you’re feeling stretched thin, it’s not a personal shortcoming. It’s a reflection of a system that doesn’t always make it easy for parents.

What might help?

Push back on perfectionism. The system may expect you to “do it all,” but that doesn’t mean you have to play along. Wherever possible let go of unnecessary pressure and redefine what “good enough” looks like for your family. Easier said than done of course, but worth a shot.

Recognise that parenting wasn’t meant to be done alone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s not a personal failing. t’s a sign that human beings were never designed to parent in isolation.

Set boundaries with social media. Follow accounts that make you feel supported rather than inadequate. Remind yourself that curated feeds rarely reflect the messy reality of parenting.

Refuse to buy into guilt for doing what works. Whether it’s using screen time to get a break, buying pre-made meals, or opting for extra childcare, making parenting more sustainable isn’t failure. It’s survival and it’s wise.

Not every moment is magical

Yes, kids grow fast. Yes, one day you’ll look back and miss parts of your current life. But that doesn’t mean every moment is magical. Some moments are tedious. Some are infuriating. Some moments you might not be able to wait to leave behind!

Telling parents to cherish every second is simplistic and only adds unnecessary guilt. The reality is, not every moment is worth cherishing. And that’s okay.

What might help?

Let yourself acknowledge when it’s hard. Pretending every moment is beautiful won’t make it feel that way. It can be freeing to talk about the crappy moments with a friend or family member who gets it.

Resist the urge to compare. Despite what your social media feed might show, most parents aren’t lapping up every moment of being a parent.

Find joy in small, unexpected moments. Not every moment is magical, but some will be. A shared laugh, a funny comment from your child, a rare moment of quiet—those add up.

Parenting is a moving target

Just when you think you’ve got the hang of one stage, everything shifts. You learn, adapt, and adjust, only for the next challenge to arrive.

So, if you’re feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or like you’re constantly playing catch-up, it’s not because you’re failing. It’s because parenting is an ever-evolving process.

When might it be time to seek professional support?

While some level of exhaustion and overwhelm is normal when parenting, there are of course also times when it can become too much to manage alone. If you find yourself feeling persistently flat, anxious, or emotionally disconnected from your child, it may be a sign that additional support could help.

Other signs include:

  • Feeling irritable or angry more often than usual.
  • Struggling to enjoy time with your child.
  • Feeling trapped, hopeless, or emotionally detached.
  • A sense that you’re barely keeping things together.

Seeking professional help, whether from a psychologist, couples counsellor or GP, doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re looking after yourself so you can show up for your child, and yourself, in the way you want to.